


Own Private Inferno

by sidebyside_archivist



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Telepathy, telepathic assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-01
Updated: 2003-06-01
Packaged: 2020-06-25 03:52:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19737763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidebyside_archivist/pseuds/sidebyside_archivist
Summary: Written for a KSOF Challenge and published in Side By Side. Story where Kirk is hot rather than Spock is cold.





	Own Private Inferno

**Author's Note:**

> Note from LadyKardasi and Sahviere, the archivists: this story was originally archived at [Side by Side](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Side_by_Side_\(Star_Trek:_TOS_zine\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. We tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Side by Side’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sidebyside/profile).

Kirk was hot. Each breath burned the inside of this nose and, if he opened his mouth instead, the back of his throat. He was also starting to get a headache from the orange-red glare of the alien sun, but he couldn't force himself to stop squinting.

"Perhaps you should accompany me inside, Captain," Spock stated. "You will be somewhat more comfortable there."

Kirk swallowed against his sore, dry throat and held his hand up to shade his eyes. "No, I'll just take a walk while you take the tour." He thought of the utter boredom of Spock's errand to the Vulcan Astrophysics Lab and decided a search for shade had to be more interesting. He sniffled, the heat was starting to make his nose run as though it was actually sub-zero.

Spock hesitated. He watched his captain sway slightly, each breath a battle between comfort of lungs and comfort of proper oxygenation. "I really must insist, Jim."

Kirk turned pained eyes to his friend and acquiesced with a shake of his head.

Inside the lab, Kirk at least could stop squinting. He tried to keep his coughing to a minimum as he followed Spock down a long hallway. They were introduced to various Vulcans. The air was still hot but livable in comparison to the noonday heat outside. A detailed overview of the lab's equipment and projects followed. Kirk managed to maintain an interested expression despite waves of exhaustion that urged him to take a seat and close his eyes.

When the standard spiel ended, Kirk waved Spock on and remained in the reception area instead of following. As he waited, he examined the architecture. His eyes strayed from the thick stone walls to the spherical optical diffusors bringing in natural light from the roof. He tried not to stare at Sunel, the lab co-director as he tested a new public demonstration board along with an intimidated looking assistant.

The quiet of the room seduced Kirk. He sat back and let his mind wander.

He couldn't relax though as he felt chilled now from his own sweat, even though the room was warm. He hoped Spock wasn't going to be too long.

Eventually, Spock appeared again. Kirk opened his eyes and observed him as he gave the ritual gestures of Vulcan departure to the group from the lab. Kirk stood up and waited patiently, now dry enough to find the room comfortable. No looks passed his way as the researchers departed back into their sanctum. After the inner door slid closed, they stood alone in the reception area.

"Are you ready to depart?" Spock asked.

Kirk nodded, not trusting his voice to hide his impatience.

The outside environment wilted Kirk three steps outside the door. He bolstered himself to make it back across the campus to their aircar.

Trying to make small talk to hide his discomfort, Kirk said, "Well, I think you'll find this a very rewarding place to work, Spock."

Spock stopped suddenly, his robe swishing ahead of him in the red dust coating the street. "Captain?"

As Kirk stopped and turned, Spock's brow furrowed. He could not detect any of the normal signs of humor that would associate such an unlikely statement. Spock had not hidden the fact that the lab had offered him a position, but he had also not belabored the point, as he had no intention of leaving Starfleet.

Kirk shrugged and shaded his eyes. "Well, obviously they are far ahead in the kind of research that interests you, of course you'd want to stay."

Spock stared openly at Kirk now. He failed again to detect any signs that Kirk was attempting to entrap him with his own gullibility. "I... do not understand, Captain," Spock finally managed for lack of anything else to say.

Kirk chuckled. "Spock, you don't have to pretend. I understand that you want to contribute more to basic science than you're able to on the Enterprise."

The ground felt strange beneath Spock's shoes, as though it was attempting to fall away from his feet. "You wish me to stay?" Spock managed to ask.

"You should do whatever is best, Spock," Kirk said encouragingly.

Spock's mind raced ahead and cast about for explanations to this strange shift in Kirk. "Are you feeling faint, Captain?"

Kirk gave him a doubtful look. "No," he replied, then started walking again. Spock hesitated then stepped quickly to catch up. He couldn't find any words to reply.

They walked in silence to the parking area. As Spock stepped down to the pad with their aircar the tingle that had been nagging him since they left the lab coalesced into something tangible--they were being watched.

He would have noticed it sooner had he not been inexcusably disturbed by Kirk's statements.

As he bent down to key the aircar door for Kirk, he glanced surreptitiously behind them and spotted a figure in the shadow of the building behind. He stepped slowly around the car, his entire mental outlook shifting one hundred and eighty degrees. Sixteen years in space had overridden Spock's basic notions about beings in general, including Vulcans. His glance at Kirk's questioning expression from the passenger seat brought an odd potion of anger, loyalty, and nausea to the fore.

With a patient air he ran a basic systems check and started up the aircar antigrav engine. The figure had moved to the last row of parked vehicles, three rows behind them. As they lifted off, so did a flat grey aircar.

Spock kept his mind clear as though in meditation as he flew on manual up to the first level of local traffic. Glancing at Kirk threatened his emotional control, he instead concentrated on the course and way the grey vehicle matched their course changes.

His parents would be home by now. He had to find someplace isolated to confront Kirk. The aircar was only rented for local travel so the desert was out of the question. He thought about where else he had found silence as a youth. The answer coalesced out of his carefully controlled mind: The gardens.

Spock signaled for a route change and watched with some satisfaction as the grey aircar followed moments later. The gardens, a force-field protected area of plantings at the edge of the Shi Kahr plateau, mimicked Vulcan as it was a hundred thousand years ago: lush and crowded with wildlife.

Spock dropped their car out of local traffic and into a parking space close to the entrance to the main trail. He hurried Kirk out of the car and into the cover of the trees.

"This is the botanical gardens?" Kirk asked, confused by their location.

"Yes."

Once under the cover of the thick growth, Spock's pace increased enough that Kirk had to jog to keep up.

"May I ask what the hurry is?" Kirk asked in the tone that implies that he is close to exerting his will on the situation.

"In a moment, Captain." Spock heard the other aircar settle down on the far side of the pad.

They turned along a sharp bend and Spock slowed and began looking for something alongside the trail. Eventually he found what he was searching for, and after checking that no one was around, he leaped off the trail onto a low berm alongside, careful not to damage any of the ground foliage. He reached a hand back to Kirk who took it automatically.

Spock heaved him over the berm and onto the other side. Without releasing Kirk's hand Spock led him quickly out of the trees and towards the cliff edge of the plateau.

Tall boulders perched at the edge had captured sand out of the wind, thinning the plant-life. Spock stepped out to the edge of the precipice and around into a hidden alcove. Kirk sat down on the sand and looked out over the broad valley. He started to speak but stopped at Spock's gesture for silence.

Spock sat down cross-legged and closed his eyes. Over his years in Starfleet it had been necessary to devise mental disciplines to shield his thoughts from a wide variety of alien intelligences. He applied those disciplines now, a combination of heavy protection of his thoughts and extreme sensitivity to external telepathy.

He didn't have long to wait. A loosely trained, strongly telepathic Vulcan mind was scanning for their presence. Appalled at this breaking of Vulcan mores, Spock pulled back into himself and waited until the searcher moved on down the ten-click trail.

Spock opened his eyes. Kirk sat with his knees tucked against his chest, giving him a soft, patient smile. "This is a beautiful spot."

Following Kirk's gaze out over the valley, Spock noticed that the blue-greens of the forest had spread farther than he would have expected. The extensive plant-life was large enough now to produce its own environment for additional growth. The thought that this growth could expand and one day cover the planet stunned Spock with its possibility. He pushed that startling thought aside and turned his attention to his companion. "Captain, can you tell me what happened while you were waiting for me at the lab?"

Kirk gave him a doubtful look. "May I ask why?"

Spock considered how to respond. If he were dealing with Orions or Klingons he would have to assume that Kirk's mind was booby-trapped somehow. The dichotomy made him fatigued.

"It is difficult to explain, Captain."

Kirk studied him an instant and wiped the sweat from his brow before responding, "Sure." He shifted his legs to sit cross legged as well. "I watched Sunel and a tech setting up some kind of display in the foyer for a while, then I felt a little wiped out from the heat and closed my eyes. I suppose I might have fallen asleep since your tour didn't seem to take very long."

Spock studied him closely.

"That what you wanted to hear?" Kirk asked.

"It suffices." Spock stared at his steepled fingers in thought for several minutes before he decided how to proceed. He shifted closer to Kirk, capturing the other's gaze. "I need you to trust me in what I am about to do."

Kirk stared at him a long breath before relaxing. "I certainly owe you a lot of trust."

Spock looked into Kirk's open gaze tinted with question and affection.

Was he so certain that Kirk's willingness to give him up was artificial?

Spock wondered. Perhaps Kirk was simply doing what he often did: sacrificing his own interests for others. But the Vulcan who followed them from the lab was not behaving normally, Spock reminded himself.

Kirk shot him a questioning look and uncrossed his legs. Spock considered that Kirk's reaction to a meld might be anything. Anything his assaulter programmed into him. Theorizing that a Vulcan would have done this caused an unnatural knot in his chest.

"Can you lie back, Captain?" Spock asked.

Kirk's expression shifted to one Spock had never seen aimed at himself--a teasing accusation of naughtiness. But Kirk did as suggested and settled back. As Spock shifted on his knees beside him, Kirk asked, "You are feeling all right?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Just checking." Kirk settled his hands across his chest in a vision of repose.

Spock wrapped one powerful hand around both of Kirk's wrists. Surprised, Kirk lifted his head. Spock pressed down with his hands. "Trust me," he intoned.

Looking doubtful now, Kirk watched with no small wonderment as Spock straddled him.

"I must really trust you," Kirk commented.

Spock, caught in a quandary, didn't respond. He didn't want to invade Kirk's thoughts without his permission, but asking his permission might trigger a defense in Kirk's mind. Spock sighed. "Jim, is there anything you have allowed to me before that you wouldn't at this time?"

Kirk gave him a confused look. His eyes flickered over Spock's dominant position. "I guess not."

Spock frowned fractionally. "There is nothing you would deny to me at this time?"

"Deny to you?" Kirk repeated. "Spock are you sure you are feeling all right? Not having hot flashes or anything... well, you know what I mean."

"I am perfectly fine."

"You aren't acting like it."

"Trust me, Jim."

"That again," Kirk breathed. He tried not to test the strength of Spock's hold on his wrists.

"You did not answer the question."

Kirk looked over Spock's elegant features, eyes finally resting on Spock's brown earnest ones. "No, I don't deny you anything."

Spock bent forward and as Spock leaned over him, Kirk was so certain the Vulcan was going to kiss him he parted his lips automatically and closed his eyes even though rationally he wouldn't have expected such a gesture.

Instead Spock's fingers contacted Kirk's face and the world blacked out.

As he did so, Kirk's whole body heaved. Spock held fast to his hands and pressed down with his full weight.

"Jim!" Spock shouted, trying to break through the barrier between their minds as Kirk thrashed madly. In fear for Kirk's sanity, Spock neck pinched him. Breathing heavily, Spock moved to the side and released his hold. He sat back and tried to keep his emotions in check. A Vulcan had done this to his captain. He shook his head. They were that determined to have Spock stay that they would break the most serious of Vulcan's laws.

Sweat dripped from Kirk's unconscious forehead. Spock lifted him easily and moved him more fully into the shade of the tall boulders surrounding them.

Kirk was burning up. In his mind he danced on a fresh volcanic lava flow but instead of burning his feet, it was burning his mind. Instinct screamed at him to run but the sluggish black flow filled the land to the horizon. Small explosions hurled rocks and hot gas around him as he leaped from one crumbling crust to another. He scrambled for a solid surface and fell but instead of hot molten rock his hands encountered warm sand.

Spock meditated lightly as he looked out over the valley. Kirk grunted and sat up. "Are you feeling all right, Captain?"

Kirk stretched his back and rubbed his neck with a grimace. As he started to put his hand down he froze and looked sharply at his companion. "You neck pinched me?"

Spock nodded. They stared at each other for a long time. Kirk finally broke the look by standing up. He stepped past Spock and walked around the edge of the escarpment. Spock hurried to follow.

Listening ahead, Spock didn't hear anyone on the trail.

"I apologize, Captain. I had no choice." Spock said as he caught up with Kirk as he went over the berm down to the trail. He could feel a shifting in Kirk's mind. A defensiveness that grated against Spock's telepathy.

"Let's forget it for now and get back to your house."

They continued back to the aircar in silence. The grey car from the campus pad was still present. Spock keyed open their car and they took flight. Their follower seemed to have gotten lost in the gardens.

Silence dominated the trip back to Spock's family house. Kirk sipped continuously from his water bottle and offered no questions.

Spock parked the aircar beside the estate wall and followed Kirk inside.

Sarek stood across the table from Amanda who was peeling fruit for a snack.

"Did you have a good day?" Amanda asked.

Spock had stopped in the center of the room. With effort he enforced calm upon himself. Amanda must have seen something in his stance because she set down the half-peeled bewbera and glanced at Sarek.

In Vulcan Spock said, "We have a difficulty."

Also in Vulcan, Sarek asked, "In what way?"

Spock took a deep breath. He disliked having to explain his personal situation with Kirk. He watched the human walk over to the table and take a bite of fruit when Amanda offered the bowl. He continued in Vulcan, "I believe someone at the Institute today tampered with my captain's mind."

"Spock!" Amanda exclaimed before calming. "You can't be serious."

Spock glanced at Sarek and saw disbelief and disappointment there.

"I am certain," Spock stated in a hard tone.

Kirk wandered over to Spock and his father with a look that requested a translation.

Spock continued, this time with more urgency. "He has been mined and I don't know what the result of triggering it will be."

"And the purported purpose of this?"

"To entice me to accept the offer of a position."

Doubt colored Sarek's eyes farther. Spock forced his hands to relax at his sudden anger.

"Spock?" Kirk said, eyes shifting between the two Vulcans.

"I know my captain," Spock stated slowly, ignoring Kirk. "He exhibited an unexplained personality shift. As his second in command it is my duty to monitor his psychological health and to investigate any changes in it."

This tact seemed to get through to Sarek. "And your investigation revealed?" he asked.

Kirk put his hands on his hips at the continued incomprehensible conversation.

"He became violent when I attempted to meld with him," Spock stated.

Sarek's eyebrow angled upward. "You have done this before."

Spock pursed his lips at this necessary revelation. He nodded and finally glanced at Kirk who gave him two raised eyebrows. Still in Vulcan, Spock said, "If you attempt to meld with him you will see." He really didn't want to put Kirk through it again but his father's belief was necessary to taking action.

Sarek turned to Kirk. "Captain Kirk," he said to capture his attention.

"I ask if you are willing to allow me to share your thoughts?"

"What?" Kirk asked, stepping backward. His eyes blinked rapidly and he pulled in a deep breath.

Sarek smoothly stepped toward him. Spock ached to intercept his father but held still.

"A mind meld. My son tells me you are familiar with them."

Kirk's uncertainty blossomed into outright fear and he lunged backward without heed, striking the stone wall with his back. He couldn't seem to speak properly.

Fire raged around Kirk, stinging his hands and face. Smoke clogged his throat and he closed his eyes against the inferno. He must escape, instinct raged at him. He had to get out into the free air, away from the choking heat.

Kirk's lips moved soundlessly as he felt his way blindly along the wall until he bumped into an obstacle, a tall display table, and fell with it. Both Spock and his father moved to assist him but he tried to fend them off.

He put his crossed arms up futilely to protect himself and struck out at the clutching hands. His struggles ended with another nerve pinch.

Spock stared down at Kirk's unconscious form on the hard floor. He should move him, Spock thought.

"Take the captain to your room, Spock. Cover him so he does not go into shock," Sarek ordered.

Spock shook himself and lifted Kirk's limp form into his arms. He turned to go to his room, but his father stood in his path. Spock paused and let Sarek stare down at Kirk's slack face.

Without taking his eyes from Kirk, Sarek said, "My wife, contact Healer Xanek."

Amanda moved to obey and Sarek stepped aside to let his son pass.

Spock's room was dark even for Vulcan eyes. He gently lowered his limp captain to the bed and arranged his limbs comfortably. From the closet he drew a thick robe and draped it over him.

Finished with his immediate tasks, Spock stood staring down at his charge. He felt as though he had been dropped into an alternative universe. Sarek interrupted his thoughts from the doorway.

"I have called a conference with several trusted associates in the district. As well, the healer is on the way." He paused, waiting for a response from his son. When none was forthcoming, Sarek stepped into the room. "Spock?"

Spock shook himself. "I did not think..."

Sarek drew himself up. "You are not expected to defend your captain against your own people, Spock," Sarek stated, correctly identifying Spock's thoughts.

Turning to his father in surprise, Spock said, "I have found that danger can come from anywhere and the least expected are often the most fatal."

Xanek bowed to Lady Amanda at the door and, as he was ushered through the main rooms, to three Vulcans in conference. He did not inquire about their identities from his host, though he was curious. They stopped at a door off a back hallway and his host lead the way in. The Vulcan sitting beside the bed stood up and greeted him. Xanek studied the occupant of the bed, a human male sweating profusely.

"Your message was quite brief," Xanek began. "Who can tell me what has happened in detail?"

"Spock can," Amanda said and backed away. "I must return to the other room." She closed the door softly behind her.

Xanek turned an expectant gaze on Spock. "I did not witness the assault. I noticed after I left him alone at the Astrophysics Lab at the Academy that my captain's personality had shifted in a very unexpected way."

Xanek sat down on the bed beside Kirk and laid a hand on his chest. Kirk jerked in his sleep. Spock continued, "When I attempted to meld with him to ascertain the reason for this, he became violent. It was repeatable--he had the same reaction to Sarek."

"Who do you suspect of perpetrating this?"

Spock took a deep breath--he was not keeping his emotions properly in check. "I do not know for certain. I do know he was with Sunel during part of the time I was absent."

Xanek looked up at Spock with an even expression before turning back to Kirk. He lifted his hand and felt his wrist, then ran his hand along the underside of his arm. Kirk sighed in his sleep and turned his head to the other side. "What is his given name?" Xanek asked.

"James. Or more commonly, Jim." Spock forced himself to stand aside calmly. He ached with inaction.

"Jim," Xanek called and tapped Kirk on the back of the hand.

Kirk's eyes opened. He let out a grunt as he raised his head and squinted around the dim room. After stretching his neck his eyes found Spock and narrowed farther. Spock stiffened at the expression. Xanek's gaze moved between the two of them. The healer started to speak but was interrupted.

"You neck pinched me again," Kirk stated accusingly. "What the hell was that for?"

"Jim, I-"

"Get out of here," Kirk said.

Spock stepped back in surprise.

"Captain-"

Kirk rubbed his shoulder. "I don't want to hear it."

Spock's mouth snapped closed. He turned his gaze to the healer and said somewhat unsteadily, "I will be in the main room... if I am needed."

Kirk turned away from his departure. He and Xanek sat in silence as the healer studied him. "Why would you lash out at Spock in such a manner?" he asked.

"I don't allow disloyal crew to stay around me," Kirk said darkly.

"And how do you know he was being disloyal? Do you know what is happening?"

Kirk froze at that. "No. Do you?"

"I am here to find out what is happening. But from what I do know I can assure you that your crewman is not being the least disloyal." He paused. "And I fear for him the damage you have just caused him."

Kirk met his gaze with one of confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I have never seen a Vulcan leave themself as vulnerable as he apparently does to you. Why he would do so when you are obviously willing to strike at him is not logical."

A look of uncertainty clouded Kirk's face. "I don't like being neck pinched multiple times with no explanation," Kirk griped.

"I would agree with that in principle, but the current situation is more complicated than most."

"What is complicated?"

"I will explain as soon as it is feasible to do so. Right now, please take my assurances that everyone around you right now is behaving only logically."

Kirk shook his head. "Do I have a choice?"

"Not one that I am able to see." Xanek folded his fingers in his lap. "I would like to ask you a few questions." At Kirk's shrug of acceptance, he continued, "How do you feel right now?"

Spock sat down beside T'Res, an associate of Sarek's, and listened with as much attention as he could muster to the conversation. The discussion was currently on precedent for such crime as a basis for the likelihood that Spock's conclusion was correct. The strain of the situation was wearing on Spock's controls, he meditated lightly as he listened to bolster his controls.

A half hour later Xanek emerged from the corridor. Every eye in the room turned to him. "I am unable to report to you fully. I have need of Spock's assistance."

Spock stood up quickly then gathered himself and followed Xanek back to his room. As they entered, Xanek said, "I have put him in a deep sleep for the moment, using hypnosis. Until I have exhausted all other avenues, I do not wish to risk a direct meld. Unfortunately, no action can be taken to approach Sunel, or the responsible party, for more information until I have managed some kind of meld to prove that a mental rape has been committed."

Spock stood beside the bed, staring down at Kirk. "You require my assistance?"

Xanek stepped closer to Spock, close enough to intersect his personal space. "I do not wish to impinge on your personal affairs, Spock, but I must ask you a few things. I am hopeful that you know your captain closely enough to attempt a pestr'a meld."

"I am not familiar with that discipline," Spock stated.

"I can train you in it. I need to know if you have any kind of transient link to your captain from previous melds. It would make the chances of the pestr'a successfully forming much higher." At Spock's hesitation, he added, "I do not need to inform Sarek of your answer."

Spock pursed his lips, then answered, "Yes, I do have a link to him. It is an intentional one that we use to determine if the other is in a dire condition."

"That is most fortunate. I am concerned about forcing a direct meld on his mind."

Spock studied Xanek a moment before commenting, "Sarek would not be pleased--I am supposed to be locating a mate."

"Give me your hand, Spock. I will show you how to form a pestr'a."

Obediently, Spock did so. Xanek's mind shimmered just outside his own.

"Touch the link so I can see it. It will help me instruct you."

Forcing down his desire to rebel from this breach, Spock opened his mind and found the glistening cord of thought that linked him to his captain.

"Very good," Xanek said. "What you need to do is rather than merge thoughts via intersection you will merely expand this thin link into a corridor that can be used to reach into James' mind."

Spock considered this. He touched the link tentatively--it resonated with the golden warmth of Kirk's spirit--reminding him why he was attempting this. "You will have to show me how to achieve this expansion."

"It happens on your side of the link. You must open yourself to him fully and the link will swell to accommodate." Xanek reached deeper into him for just an instant and demonstrated.

A twinge of distress at so much exposure passed through him.

"I cannot force you to attempt this, but it is the best option for recovering your captain."

Spock released Xanek's hand and folded his own in front of himself. "I need a moment."

"Of course," Xanek responded and stepped back from the bed.

Spock freed his mind from all other concerns as he studied Kirk. The human's face was turned toward him on the pillow. His chest rose and fell in even rhythm. The pestr'a would leave him direly exposed and the sting of Kirk's early comment still smarted. His own comfort was of no concern though. As always he would give everything he had to this man.

Spock raised his head and nodded that he was ready.

Xanek crossed to the other side of the bed. "Do not use a standard meld position. Touch him elsewhere, such as his torso. When you are ready I will rouse him."

After lowering himself to the bed, Spock pulled down the blanket and slid his hands under Kirk's tunic. Spock's hands settled, fingers spread, against clammy damp skin.

"You will not have much time. It would be best to catch him before he fully wakes." Xanek leaned down and said to Kirk, "On 'one' you will awaken, three, two, one."

Kirk's body shifted as though it had grown uncomfortably stiff. Spock held his end of the link in his mind. As Kirk roused he threw open his mind without regard to his own safety. As Xanek had described, the link swelled open. Spock reached through it to touch Kirk's wakening mind.

He fought against the drowsiness and drag of the half-slumbering mind pressed around his own. The cobwebs of sleep fast burned away as Kirk roused. The burning didn't ease and soon even Spock felt uncomfortable.

Spock gathered Kirk's mind against his own so that he encompassed the meld instead.

Fire raged around them in the human's mind. Spock forced it back away from them with effort. Kirk's sweat-sheened body lay curled before him, his skin blackening in the heat.

"I have water for you, Jim. Cool water," Spock said. In his mind he poured precious spring water over the steaming body of his friend.

Kirk awoke more fully, startled to awareness by the odd sensations pummeling him. His lungs burned when he breathed. He squinted through the red flickering light around them to find a familiar shape beside him. "Spock?" he croaked, "help me."

Spock poured water over Kirk's upturned face and down his steaming back.

Kirk let out a sigh of relief and the fire around them banked downward and receded. A hand reached out and Spock flinched from it and put out his own to hold Kirk at arm's length. If he let Kirk reach for him they would bond, Spock was certain of it.

"I will prevent an accidental bonding," Spock heard in his mind.

Xanek had melded with him and reached through the pestr'a alongside him.

Spock's own arms faded as he was pushed back from the meld. Like an earth tremor he could feel Jim's uncertainty at this transition.

"Jim, it is all right. It is Xanek, he will help you now."

Exhaustion threatened to overtake Spock before he could gather himself and back out fully. He thought he wasn't going to make it when, like a Gatling gun, the meld swung away from him into an ordinary direct meld, and he was left alone, clinging to the edge of the bed. His strength failed and he slid down to the floor, still holding the stone frame of the bed, and blacked out.

Voices roused Spock. "Your son does not know how to hold back." Someone was lifting him but he couldn't find the energy to open his eyes.

Xanek's voice again, "He has a very strong mind--he should have been sent to training."

"T'Pau would not have allowed it," Sarek's voice now, much closer, and with a start, Spock realized his father was carrying him, not Xanek. He managed to crack his eyes open. They were in the corridor outside his room. The air felt pleasantly cool here but curious eyes from the main room tracked him. He squeezed his eyes shut again, wishing he was still unconscious.

They rested him on the padded meditation stone in the room across the hall. He could have opened his eyes fully now, but decided against it.

"I will work on him here." Xanek's voice.

"You have enough strength?" Sarek now. "We can contact another healer."

A rustle of fabric. "He did most of the work on his captain. I am not fatigued."

The door closed as Xanek settled beside him on the stone. Spock opened his eyes and sat up halfway. Shame and disgust at himself threatened his composure. "I am all right."

Xanek nodded as though he accepted that. "I can lessen your fatigue and your pain. The pestr'a will leave you very raw as you are not bonded otherwise."

Spock sat up fully, though his back bent with exhaustion. "I do not wish any assistance." He swung his feet to the floor and gathered his strength.

"Also, I noticed your betrothal bond was not severed cleanly and is causing you much difficulty."

Spock halted in his bid to stand. "You can heal this?"

Xanek clasped his hands together. "Yes, Spock, I can."

"Can you also heal the nightmares?"

"Nightmares?" Xanek repeated.

Spock nodded. "Occasionally when I am medicated I relive my Kunit Kalifee." He frowned inwardly, wishing he were not so desperate.

Xanek was silent for while. "Your betrothed declared challenge?" he asked, surprised.

Spock nodded.

"I am not trained in dream healing, but I will see what I can do. I suspect the dreams are generated by the human part of your psyche since they are much more common to humans in general." He gestured for Spock to lie back.

With a grimace, Spock obeyed.

Xanek moved his hands to the meld points and began intersecting their minds.

Kirk woke with a start. He was alone in a dim room. The shape of the light seeping around the shutters reminded him where he was. He sat up and looked at his hands, expecting them to be burned. He shook off the thought. Drinking thirstily from the bedside carafe made him realize his clothes should be wet. Patting them down and finding them dry confused him.

He mentally stepped through what he remembered and froze when he remembered Sunel disturbing his nap. His assistant standing aside, head bowed. Vulcan strength far too much for Kirk even to offer token resistance.

Kirk's breath came quickly now and his heart pounded as he remembered the cold filigree of Sunel's mind picking apart his own, rearranging just a few thoughts to suit his purposes, then leaving a dark wall of fear between himself and help. After that, snatches of Spock speaking to him repeatedly of trust, he wondered now why he'd had to repeat himself.

And the burning sensation of the wall when he had finally entered it.

Cool water from his Vulcan friend to extinguish it. Both had been in his mind, he realized.

The dark wall was gone now and the fear was his own generated afresh by his conception of what had happened. His mind was free now. He sighed with relief and moved to set the empty carafe back on the side table.

In the dim light, he missed the edge and it crashed to the stone floor.

Spock opened his eyes as Xanek released him. He felt free. The aching irritation from the gnarled end of the betrothal bond was gone and only in its absence did he fully appreciate the distress it had caused him.

He looked over at Xanek, hands steepled in light meditation. As Spock sat up, the healer gave him a look of question.

Spock nodded. "Much improved, thank you," he acknowledged.

"I could not discern the source of your dreams." Xanek pulled himself fully out of meditation. "If I were a human psychologist I would suggest you were suffering excessive guilt. But such things are not my area. You should consult someone for whom it is."

Spock stood up, though not as smoothly as he normally did. "I shall consider it."

A crash from the room across the hall sent Spock into a dash. He found Kirk sitting up with his hand on his head, surveying the broken ceramic beside the bed. "Jim," Spock came to a stop beside him and grasped his upper arms in concern.

Kirk gave him a sloppy grin. "Missed the table. Didn't mean to bring you running."

Spock reluctantly released him and sat down beside. "How are you feeling?"

Kirk shrugged. "Not too bad. I remember most of what happened, I think."

He glanced over at Xanek in the doorway who gestured to someone behind him. The other figure disappeared. "I have you to thank?" Kirk said to Xanek.

"I could not have managed without your crewman," Xanek stated.

"He's always pulling more than his own weight." Kirk's gaze moved across Spock like a caress.

Xanek spoke solemnly to Spock in Vulcan, "You should consider this one as a bondmate."

Spock stared at Kirk, wide-eyed.

"I am really very tired of people speaking Vulcan when I don't have a translator," Kirk growled.

Xanek hesitated, then said in Standard, "I was suggesting to Spock that you and he are very compatible."

"We get along all right," Kirk agreed then noticed Spock's expression.

"Are you blushing?" Kirk asked in surprise. The edges of Spock's ears had gone dark green as well as his cheekbones. "Maybe I misunderstood."

He glanced up at Xanek and found no help in his stoic visage.

"I will take my leave," Xanek said and bowed himself out.

After the door closed, Spock met Kirk's gaze again. The scarring from his betrothal bond must have been clouding his thoughts as he saw Kirk very differently now. He studied the human before him: Kirk's eyes held concern and affection and perhaps something deeper. The purity of his eyes was nothing like a Vulcan's would be. They held nothing back. They held no deception, no plotting of self-centered, logical arrangements.

Just soft, yielding affection. Nothing that could cause pain.

The potential of having this being as his own staggered Spock. Breathing became oddly difficult as he sat considering it. He needed to meditate on this, he decided.

Spock moved to stand but Kirk grabbed his sleeve. "Do you want something more, Spock?" Kirk asked in his purely honest voice.

As usual, Spock realized, Kirk was way ahead of him. "Perhaps we should discuss it later when half the Shi-Kahr council is not outside the door."

Kirk grinned. "An excellent point."

Spock tried to stand and this time, Kirk allowed him to. "I expect they wish you to offer your version of events. Xanek will have done so and his debriefing can stand for yours if you do not wish to speak."

"No, I can go," he said and stood up to follow.

At the door to the room, Spock stepped aside to let Kirk lead the way.

Kirk paused with his hand on the door catch and turned to him. "Let's make sure we leave time for that talk before the Enterprise returns," Kirk said.

"Indeed," Spock replied. He was grateful his hands were clenched behind him because they were suddenly shaking.

Kirk didn't move, just looked at him for a long moment.

"You are-" Spock began, then stopped. At Kirk's questioning look, he tried again. "You are willing. . ." he trailed off.

Kirk released the latch and stepped closer to Spock. He reached up and ran his thumb down the side of Spock's face from temple to chin. "I adore you," he said simply. "I would love to make love to you."

Spock, frozen in place, made a small sound that indicated surprise or distress.

Kirk pursed his lips in thought. "Very slow, careful love."

Spock turned his head to the side in embarrassment.

Kirk moved his hand back to the latch. "Let's get this over with, so we can get on with something more interesting."

Nodding mutely, Spock followed.

"I wish to take Captain Kirk away to rest from the past day's events," Spock explained to his father as the elder Vulcan prepared to leave for a meeting. While there had been no media frenzy in the Earth sense of the term, it had become uncomfortable in the city.

"I understand, Spock." Sarek scrutinized him a moment. Spock fought another blush as he remembered his father carrying him after he passed out from the meld. "You have apologized to him for what has occurred?"

"Yes, of course."

"Do you consider that he has accepted this?"

"I have seen no indication otherwise."

Sarek nodded solemnly. It hadn't previously occurred to Spock that his father might consider this a diplomatic issue.

"Perhaps one of the oasii in the Northern Desert? You may take the estate aircar--it is a new model, long-range."

Spock bowed his acceptance of this offer. "We will return in fifty-five hours, to leave enough time for a final visit before the Enterprise returns."

Spock watched Sarek depart and returned to his room. Kirk looked up at him in question.

"We can take leave of the estate and head into the desert. My father has offered the use of his aircar." Spock said. Kirk waggled his eyebrows at him. "Jim," Spock asked in a serious tone, "is this what you wish to do?"

Kirk put down the padd he was perusing. "Yes. I'd like to get away and spend some time with you... alone with you."

Spock nodded silently and started to pack. Kirk followed suit and collected up the few things from his bag that had managed to scatter themselves around the room.

Kirk let his mind wander as they flew an even course over the foothills and peaks and out into the high desert. It would be cooler, Spock had mentioned, even though the latitude was closer to the equator. They flew in comfortable silence as the red shadows lengthened across the sand.

They set down near several fallen standing stones. One shelter still remained standing with its capstone, weathered but stable. Spock led the way over the loose sand to it. Kirk looked around. The oasis got its name from one very fine trickle of iron-leaden water that flowed from an ancient stone basin.

Kirk turned from this to watch Spock setting up a field sensor. He crouched beside the other.

"This is a relatively verdant area. In fact, if weather conditions are favorable, we may have a little rain here."

"Rain?"

"As the air is pushed up the mountain slope the water can condense out of it. The lematra could prove a problem as they hunt here frequently.

"You scanned before we landed."

"Lematra can travel ninety klicks in a day, so a fifty-klick scan is no guarantee."

Kirk acknowledged that and turned to spread out their supplies. He shook his head at finding the sleeping bags sealed separately. He made a bit of a show out of unsealing them and sealing together into one large sack. Spock watched him do this and continued watching as he spread it out in a large square in the center of the shelter. Kirk decided that sand would provide sufficient padding and left the cell mattress in the supply bag.

"Jim," Spock began. When Kirk looked over at him he continued. "You are recovered?" he asked in deep seriousness.

Kirk smiled. "More than recovered. I feel great. Xanek is..." He unnecessarily straightened the edge of the sleeping bag. "...very good at what he does."

"Indeed. His family have been the primary healers of ours for eight generations."

Kirk's gaze came up. "He helped you as well?"

A reluctant nod.

"Did you get hurt doing what you did?" Kirk's voice took on an edge.

"No. It was an... old injury."

Kirk's gaze went soft with sympathy. Spock returned his attention to the scanner before that gaze could penetrate. He put it on station and closed the cover before looking out over the broad valley beyond the shelter. The sun's glare had finally receded to a comfortable level.

Kirk approached him and bent over his kneeling form. He rested a hand on Spock's cheek and leaned over him slightly. "Everything all set? he asked casually.

"Yes, Captain," Spock answered factually.

"Good," Kirk replied and merely held that position, gaze traveling over Spock's face from close range. Spock held still, allowing the attention.

Finally, Kirk leaned forward and slowly brought their lips together in a soft kiss. A sharp intake of breath passed Kirk's lips, but he didn't let up. He took Spock's bottom lip momentarily between his teeth, then the top lip. Spock seemed to be vibrating so Kirk grasped Spock's head in both hands to hold him steady and flicked his tongue into the hot mouth.

A surge of arousal at the thought of having that steamy mouth wrapped around him, made Kirk fall to one knee. His cock pressed insistently at the inside of his pants.

Spock's hands reached over and grabbed the human by the hips and pulled him closer. Kirk's need was battering at him through the weak link flickering at their touch and he ached to relieve it. He broke off the kiss with a small twist of his head and pulled Kirk tightly against himself. The length of the human's body transmitted his arousal. Spock held him tighter, tapping into the pressure building in Kirk's mind.

Kirk felt his desire ease and he relaxed into Spock's powerful embrace with a sigh of contentment. A breeze wafted through the shelter, ruffling Kirk's hair. His hands traced along the hard muscles of Spock's back while he waited patiently for Spock to release him.

While it didn't strain as hard, his erection still pulsed painfully in its confines. A hand reached between them to touch it through the fabric making Kirk's desire leap.

Spock's fingers hesitated at the seal of Kirk's pants. "Do you wish me to remove these?"

"Yes," Kirk breathed urgently. "Please do."

As he undid the seal with patient movements, Spock said, "I wish to know you fully, if you will show me how."

"Anytime," he said. Spock's embrace had eased, so Kirk leaned back and divested Spock of his shirt. His hands traced the hard lines of the Vulcan's chest as Spock's fingers freed his sex and investigated it with care. Kirk held still while Spock satisfied his curiosity. Spock's long digits moved slowly from base to tip then grasped him for a long minute, to feel his pulse the shifting pressure. Kirk yearned for him to stroke with those amazing fingers.

"You need something rather stridently," Spock observed.

Kirk took his hand, wrapped two of the warm fingers around himself and urged him into a stoking motion. "I need to come, Spock," Kirk said gently. Spock picked it up immediately and Kirk leaned his head against Spock's chest as he closed his eyes and floated with the ministrations.

He opened his eyes to watch the green tinged hand working him. Amazing to think of Spock doing this for him. The thought made him climax almost immediately. He grabbed Spock's arms hard as he came. The stroking became slick with his emission softening the stimulation just right to ride out a long orgasm.

"Most interesting," Spock observed when Kirk relaxed.

Kirk shot him a look and pulled the Vulcan over to the sleeping bags and laid him down. Kirk's eyes sparkled as he hovered over his friend. After leaning away to shuck his pants, Kirk straddled Spock and bent down to kiss him again. His hands roved over the rippled body beneath him as his tongue invaded as deeply as he could reach into the hot mouth.

Kirk finally took a break to breath and sat back. Spock's hands rested nicely on his hips and Kirk decided with an acute ache of affection that Spock appeared as relaxed as he had ever seen him.

When Kirk bent to nuzzle Spock's long neck, his head tilted to the side to give him full access. As he sucked on the soft skin at the base of his neck, Spock sighed faintly. Kirk stayed at that spot until a set of glaring green marks blemished the fine skin there.

Taking his time, Kirk worked his way downward, exploring every last inch of skin as Spock lay passively beneath him. As his tongue delved into Spock's naval, his hands, with tantalizing slowness, unsealed his pants.

He dipped his head then and nuzzled the long flaccid cock through thin black briefs.

Spock released one of those sounds of almost concealed moan.

Kirk continued to nip at the slowly filling organ through cloth until the twin ridges poked out the top of Spock's briefs. He paused then to pull down Spock's pants and underwear as though he were opening a treasured gift.

Crouched at Spock's feet, Kirk tossed his lover's clothes aside and worked his way back up the lean furred legs to the towering erection at their apex. Kirk gazed up Spock's length to his canted head, closed eyes, and slack mouth and decided what he wanted to do for this wondrous being.

Kirk reached for the supplies and found the oil. He had brought it in a self-heating container so he could drip it directly onto the pointed tip of Spock's glans. As the warm oil ran down his cock, the Vulcan stiffened and moaned, but didn't open his eyes. His cock bobbed suddenly so the next stream of oil missed, running over finely furred testicles.

Kirk set the container down and bent to lick the excess oil off of Spock's petite balls, sucking each one into his mouth with care and rolling the center on his tongue. Beneath him, Spock had begun to vibrate like a tuned instrument.

Still, Kirk moved slowly. He wanted Spock to have plenty of time to find the shape of his own pleasure. He paused to survey his friend, his cock stood bronze and hungry and beautiful. Kirk could worship this cock, he decided. Other men's erections only usually pleased him in a much as it meant his own arousal was allowed. This one stood for him alone and Kirk wanted it like he never imagined possible.

Kirk moved to straddle the lean form. Spock lay still, his only movement the rise and fall of his narrow chest as he breathed. Kirk considered rousing his attention, then discarded the idea.

Some kind of bird-like creature called out from a distance as Kirk shifted to a crouch and grasped the straining penis below him. He aimed it at his anus and settled himself onto it. The oily head slipped in up to the first ridge with ease.

Kirk licked his dry lips and watched Spock's breathing accelerate as he lowered himself with care. Spock's bulk was a strain but he was determined to have him.

Finally he managed to settle his thighs onto Spock's warm abdomen.

Still, Spock remained motionless beneath him and for the moment, Kirk was grateful as he needed some time to accommodate his substantial shaft. He leaned forward and pulled off halfway, to the relief of his rectum. With determination he settled back down again. This time intense pleasure rocked through him from the link.

He pulled off again and an intense desire for repeated full penetration took hold of him. He rocked himself back down faster this time and the pleasure was so intense he cried out, but he cried out his own name.

This startled him into holding his position. Spock's sex throbbed inside him with need as he paused. Feeling like himself, Kirk rocked off and back on again. Again he found his own name on his lips, whispered with such reverence he had to smile.

"Jim, Jim, open yourself," he groaned out loud as he rocked back and forth, in and out. Spock's cock kicked and writhed inside of him suddenly feeling like a snake coiling and turning. Kirk didn't let up; The intense pleasure wouldn't have let him, even if he had wanted to.

"Ah, yes, Jim, yes, let me have you," Kirk moaned in this strange monologue. He was now equally the penetrator and the vessel. Kirk imagined thrusting with his hips and Spock began lifting upwards to meet him. Overwhelming erotic pleasure sizzled through them both, back and forth, as they rocked and heaved.

Suddenly they were both froze, suspended by a fine filament over nothingness. Spock's balls were pumping fiercely. They both sighed at this intense relief before they plummeted together into mindless ecstasy.

Kirk sobbed into Spock's chest as he continued pumping through the climax, his mind and body wracked with orgasmic surges.

Eventually the ecstasy drained away and Kirk leaned heavily against Spock's chest. He raised a shaky hand to wipe the drool from his cheek and lips and rested his head again immediately. Spock's arms came up around him lightly.

"Well, that was really something," Kirk murmured.

"It was sufficiently pleasurable for you?"

Kirk shifted his head to rest just his forehead on Spock's dry chest.

"Spock... that was the most amazing sex I have ever had." He took a deep breath and fought the lethargy that pulled at him. "Sufficiently pleasurable," he scoffed and chuckled. He could feel Spock sharing his amusement through the weak link still open between them.

Kirk began to set his head back down when he felt Spock's surprise. In a moment the human heard it too, a soft pattering on the stone structure above them. The both sat up and looked out. The sky had softened to a golden hue and the freshened air wafted in.

Kirk breathed deeply of the now pleasant air and watched the rain steaming against the hot sand. He looked over at Spock observing the same scene and gave him a smile.

"Well that is a first," Kirk said.

"Indeed. Many firsts."

Kirk reached out for him and pressed him back. "Let's try for another one."


End file.
